I was standing in line today behind a lady that was buying an enormous coffee cup. Seriously, it was about three feet high and probably held 10 or 20 gallons of liquid. For what kind of person would this make a good present? I mean, it’s not a practical cup, despite the fact that it is pretty untippable (hell, with coffee in it, it would be damn near unmoveable). I guess you could put stuff in it, but then the recipient would have this huge cup that they’d have to have kicking around, and from my point of view, a cup is kind of a nonstarter as a conversation piece:
Tom: Hey, Bob, is that a large cup?
Bob: Surely is, Tom, surely is. Biggest cup I’ve ever had.
Tom: Yes, that is one large cup.
The only reasonable scenario I came up with was that she has made friends with a heretofore unsuspected clan of 20′ giants, and she is making a present to the chief.
And, if we’re on the subject of bad presents, you don’t want to get me started on those talking fish things, trust me.
One more note: I use my Starbucks ™ card when I buy coffee. They always want to give me a slip of paper that tells me how much I have left on the card. I read it and then approximately five seconds later throw it away. If they would just change the registers to display the amount left on the card, we could cut down on that paper. I guess it’s just another example of ecologic responsibility from Starbucks “Cut-Down-Every-Tree” corporate operations.
Okay, enough ranting about the Green Mermaid already.
 No doubt at this point I will be inundated by e-mail from people who gave exactly that present, and it was the perfect present, e.g. “My Uncle Bob had a cat named Espresso, and it was the perfect size for Espresso’s weekly flea-dipping!”
 Appropriate because they use tons of paper products and buy open-field coffee.